Hi dear, welcome on board.In our last tip discussion, we looked at what we called '' understand anger''.hope you are working on that.
in this write up we will take a critical look at tips no 5,6 &7.
tips #5
Find common goals
A study conducted in collaboration with a dating site in the UK found that 13% of couples reported no longer having the same goals. This situation represents a ticking time bomb, as research has shown that couples who share dreams and goals have longer-lasting, more satisfying relationships. If you feel like you've been out of sync lately with your partner on this front, discuss your philosophy of life together. The aim is for both of you to share what you want your life to be about, where you want to end up and what these things mean to you. Look for anything that’s common between the two of you and talk about ways to work toward that aspiration together.tips #6
Share power
When a man is not willing to share power with his relationship partner,
John Gottman’s research indicates there is an 81% chance that his
relationship will self-destruct. While hoarding power may have got you
ahead in your career,
this strategy will backfire in your relationship because your
girlfriend or partner will end up feeling like her opinions aren't valuable and she
doesn't matter to you. To help save your relationship, develop a more
accepting attitude toward compromise. Practice by giving in on issues
you don’t feel extremely interested in.
Tips #7
Don't distorb
Researchers have known for a long time that unhappy couples focus on the
negatives in their relationships. An early study by Robinson and Price
(1980) found that unhappy couples underestimated the occurrence of
pleasurable events in their relationships by 50%. Also, Fincham, Beach
and Baucom (1987) found that individuals in distressed relationships
were prone to attributing negative intentions to their partner’s
behaviour.
If you find yourself stuck in this rut of distorted thinking, the next time you have a negative thought about something your partner has done try to come up with a more neutral explanation for her actions. Another strategy is to consider whether you would judge yourself so harshly if the situation were reversed. Finally, remind yourself often of the good times you've spent together recently.look at pictures of both of you, your wedding picture,birthdays and special outings etc.
If you find yourself stuck in this rut of distorted thinking, the next time you have a negative thought about something your partner has done try to come up with a more neutral explanation for her actions. Another strategy is to consider whether you would judge yourself so harshly if the situation were reversed. Finally, remind yourself often of the good times you've spent together recently.look at pictures of both of you, your wedding picture,birthdays and special outings etc.
